Top 200

Top 200

AN INTRODUCTION:

For the past few years many of you have been reading Top 10 lists passed around in class.

What started off as a good way to kill time in Biochemistry lecture became somewhat a tradition. In fact some said it was as much a part of Pharmacy school as the mortar and pestle, frozen pizza, or Austin Walker.

The following pages contain 19 old lists plus 1 new. In all they total 203 lines to be honest, but when I counted the first time they came out to 200. (I wasn't using a calculator…practicing for the state board)

Although these pages may be of little real value, I hope they will bring back some memories of what pharmacy school was really like (…but let's hope not too many).

I hope you have as much fun reading them as I have had passing them around.

Good Bye & Good Luck!

TOP 10 REASONS GENE KEADY ALMOST LEFT PURDUE

10. Found out Brother Max sermons also came taped for VCR use.
9. Didn't want to keep being overshadowed by the powerful football team.
8. Classes just too hard.
7. Couldn't find a parking space.
6. Missed too many Andy Griffith shows because games were scheduled at the same time.
5. Found out Diet Coke also sold in Arizona.
4. They offered him a date with the muppet of his choice.
3. Ticked off that they were tearing down the smokestack.
2. Couldn't find a seat at sold out Mackey Arena basketball games.
1. Sick and tired of getting arrested each year at the nude run.

TOP 10 FILL IN THE BLANK ANSWERS TO THE STATE BOARD EXAM

10. Zyloprim - musical band instrument.
9. Slow K - cereal for aging yuppies.
8. Coichicine - what Gene Keady does for a living.
7. Lopressor - the reason I stopped at the gas station to put air in my tires.
6. Insulin - what keeps your house warm in the winter.
5. Flagyl - handle with care.
4. Dep-on-it - what the robber said to his get away car driver.
3. Antabuse - what do insect rights advocates get upset over.
2. Antivert - the opposite of a pervert.
1. Ritalin - Batman's arch-enemy.

TOP 10 FACTS ABOUT THE EASTER BUNNY

10. Has 1,237 kids.
9. All his sisters work for Playboy.
8. Glad Easter isn't in WABBIT season.
7. Still gets death threats from a guy named ELMER.
6. That wasn't a pile of bowling balls.
5. Raids tooth fairy's garden to steal jelly beans.
4. When little, he got in trouble for vandalism when the police traced the eggs.
3. Dropped MDCH lab because pyrogen test was a pain in the buns.
2. Because of increasing delivery territory has to borrow Santa's sled.
1. Hard boiled eggs layed by fried chicken.

TOP 10 DEFINITION ANSWERS TO THE PURDUE FOOTBALL APTITUDE TEST

10. Helmutts - dogs from hell.
9. First Down - the Purdue player with the ball.
8. 10 yards - a heck of a lot of mowing.
7. Points - something we got on our license.
6. Coach - the way we travel on airplanes.
5. Defense - what the quarterback throws de ball over.
4. Runs - what you get when you eat too many concession stand hot dogs.
3. Interception - when life begins.
2. Socks - never before marriage.
1. Fumbo - Walt Disney elephant character.

TOP 10 THINGS SPACE SHUTTLE ASTRONAUTS GOT IN TROUBLE FOR

10. Too many wing walking stunts.
9. Dropped superballs to see how high they can really bounce.
8. Dropped parachutists.
7. Didn't yield right of way to spacewalker at crosswalk.
6. Took money to skywrite marriage proposals at county fairs.
5. Buzzed cars on the freeway.
4. Used regular instead of unleaded.
3. Crossed wires on shuttle monitors to pick up Disney channel.
2. Dropped Tang filled balloons on pedestrians.
1. Made omelet with "Chicks in Space" experiment.

TOP 10 REASONS IU LOST THE BASKETBALL GAME TO PURDUE

10. Didn't eat their Wheaties.
9. Missed shots because the sun was in their eyes.
8. When Coach Knight was too sick to attend practice all last week, the players goofed around and only practiced dunks.
7. Players skipped practice to watch Gilligan's Island Fest on TBS.
6. Fatigue from waiting in line every night the past 30 days for 'Stones tickets.
5. Stayed up late the night before watching Steve Alford's milk commercials.
4. Due to state budget cuts they ran out of baskeballs the week before and had to practice using footballs.
3. P.M.S.
2. IU players: "Darn I thought 79 pts were more than 83 pts."
1. Pete Rose needed the money.

TOP 10 EXPONENT HEADLINES

10. Thousands drown as IU janitor hooks up class change bells to sprinkler system
9. Cereal killer strikes again but Snap, Crackle, and Pop escape injury.
8. Procrastination workshop rescheduled for next month.
7. Dozens of ducks found dead, fowl play suspected.
6. Purdue to remove landmark building that once was the oldest on campus.
5. Most people don't remember having amnesia.
4. Hundreds of lab birds drown as ag prof disproves chicken of the sea myth.
3. Distinguished lecture series begins with world famous mime.
2. Puppet government overthrown as Alf escapes to Melmac.
1. Betty Crocker arrested for scalloping potatoes.

TOP 10 NEW OLYMPIC EVENTS

10. Javelin catching
9. Bobsled jumping
8. Syncronized sumo wrestling
7. Twister
6. Pill counting
5. Plunger archery
4. Field checkers
3. 100 yard mosey
2. Ice soccer
1. Tag team boxing

TOP 10 THINGS I HEARD REDNECKS SAYING OVER SPRING BREAK

10. "Well darn company is coming over, I best go out and buy some toilet paper"
9. "What's my favorite deer hunting weapon..??? Ford Bronco!!!"
8. "I never miss IU basketball games"
7. "What do you mean beer ain't one of the 4 food groups?"
6. "I never miss pro wrestling unless it's bowling night"
5. "I thought I'd impress my girl with my favorite restaurant but I guess she wasn't hungry for BIG MAC"
4. "I don't waste my time making a charcoal fire for grilling hamburgers, I just use diesel"
3. Not available due to writer burnout
2. Not available due to water damage caused by sprinkler system coming on during writer burnout
1. "…hell no officer, I didn't know I was speeding ..by the way, I'm kind of full. Do you want to finish this can of Bud???"

TOP 10 "DARN WEIRD THOUGHTS"

10. What does a mime take for laryngitis?
9. In football, why do tackles play offense?
8. Non-synchronized stop lights
7. If 1 out of every 4 children born is Chinese and you've already had 3 kids?
6. Stunt Muppets
5. Parking spaces for the blind
4. Seedless corn on the cob
3. Vandals with clear spray paint
2. Braille road signs
1. Air conditioners that lower the temp by converting °F to °C

TOP 10 ANSWERS TO A DR. POPOVICH OTC EXAM

13. Minor Ailments - disease found only in those under 21.
12. Rebound Congestion - what do you get when you try to catch a missed shot between Craig Riley and Steve Scheffler.
11. Monograph - a mute comedian's act.
10. Legend Drug - a drug I'd heard stories about.
9. Ear Stopples - the German ear police.
8. Lay Referral System - method by which some frat boys get dates. (ooo…)
7. Dermis - keeps hot drinks hot and cold drinks cold.
6. ACNE - company from which Wiley Coyote buys road runner traps.
5. Camphor - something you sit around while roasting marshmallows and telling stories.
4. Rhinorrhea - a messy situation for owners of pet rhinos.
3. Epithelial Horny Cells - the reason epithelial cells reproduce so quickly.
2. Ear Canal - the water way that connects the Ohio River to Lake Ear.
1. Antitussives - given to elephants to get rid of those long pointy white things.

   SANTA'S TOP 10 CHRISTMAS EVE PROBLEMS

   10. Fires in fireplaces
   9. What more can you get a kid who already has Dr. Loudon's new organic book
   8. Doesn't know what to do with 2,000 "Purdue '88 NCAA Basketball Champ" T-shirts
   7. Getting harder to jimmy hi-tech burglar alarms
   6. Tooth fairy is always borrowing the sled the night before and returning it late
   5. New Elf-union contract gives them Christmas Eve off
   4. Must clean "deer cookies" of the roofs
   3. PUPD cops ticket sled for not having the proper parking stickers
   2. Despite new stealth sled must still dodge missiles over Soviet airspace
   1. Just getting too old to climb that Purdue Smokestack

   TOP 10 JOBS FOR I.U. GRADS

   10. Study mating ritual of the clay pidgeon.
   9. Separate Chex holiday mix so it can be resold.
   8. Proofread stop signs.
   7. Grade opscan sheets.
   6. Lick sweepstakes envelopes.
   5. Caddy in charge of inflating golfballs.
   4. Plasma donor.
   3. Breed mechanical bulls.
   2. Rewind CD's.
   1. Sit on top of radio towers and turn on and off the light.

   TOP 10 WAYS TO INCREASE ROSS-ADE STADIUM ATTENDANCE

   10. Count pregnant women twice
   9. Have refs use multi-colored penalty flags
   8. Have Professor Wilson do a stand up routine at half time
   7. Show "Simpsons" on new T.V. scoreboard
   6. Half time Hokey Pokey
   5. Coed football
   4. Use 3 footballs to increase scoring
   3. Get rid of Purdue and allow Indiana's only pro team to play there ( Not the Colts silly…the Irish )
   2. Have band do an exact reinactment tribute to the 20th year anniversary of the Nude run
   1. Replace traditional "Beef Day" and "Pork Day" with "Robitussin A-C Day"

   TOP 10 PROBLEMS RACE OFFICIALS HAD WITH THIS YEAR'S PURDUE GRAND PRIX

   10. Dr. Beering didn't show because he was buying beer for Sunday night's Simpson episode.
   9. People trying to sneak onto race course in cars.
   8. Attendance has dropped since they switched from the old demolition derby format.
   7. Race delayed because Pete Rose hadn't reached the break-even point on his race pool.
   6. PUPD cops insisted on being allowed to set speed traps on the race course.
   5. IU transfer student slowed pace by using car powered by pedal-power.
   4. Another IU student couldn't figure out where to attach the engine to his Schwinn.
   3. My roommate trying to convince gate workers that parking tickets were also good for admittance.
   2. Administration objected to first annual Nude Grand Prix.
   1. The drivers couldn't pass the breath test.

   TOP 10 FILL IN THE BLANK ANSWERS TO MDCH 408 EXAMS

   10. Familial Hypercholesterolemia - The type of hypercholesterolemia everyone is familial with.
   9. Target tissues - The type of generic Kleenex bought at Target.
   8. Apoprotein - What makes that red juicy fruit so nutritious.
   7. Conjugated Estrogen -

      ich estroge		wir estrogen
      du estrogest		ihr estrogtet
      er, sie, es estroget		sie, Sie estrogen

   6. cAMP - A good place to dump the kids.
   5. Alpha - The most annoying of the Little Rascals. (If I were his parents I would send him to cAMP)
   4. First pass effect - Well, she'll probably just tell you she has a boy friend.
   3. Extra hepatic tissue - The reason the Dr. said, "oops…" after completing the surgery.
   2. Squaline - Elmer Fudd's remake of the old Christopher Cross song.
   1. Microflora - A really small F.T.D. guy

   TOP 10 REASONS PURDUE LOST TO NOTRE DAME

   10. Still bummed after therapeutics exam
   9. Wanted to lead the country in kickoff return yardage
   8. Tried to make score match pick 4 lotto
   7. See that bleacher full of kids over there… they're Steve Garvey's
   6. Professor Wilson wouldn't fill their steroid prescriptions
   5. Heard if they lost big they would get next year's #1 draft pick
   4. Purdue coaches tried to figure out ND game plan by watching "Knute Rockne All American"
   3. Thought low score won like in golf
   2. This is just a thought but are the last 2 words in "Purdue Football Team" technically misbranding?
   1. Tricked into not hitting ND players because someone told them they were all priests

   TOP 10 FAVORITE TV SHOWS OF SELECTED FACULTY MEMBERS

   10. Dr. Ashendel - Battle Star Galactose
   9. Professor Wilson - L.A. (fayette) Law
   8. Dr. Bodner - B.J. and the Barium
   7. Dr. Loudon - Atom (carbon) 12
   6. Dr. Shaw - Quincey's
   5. Professor Charles (Charlie) Brown - A Peanut's Christmas Special
   4. Dr. Hem - The Emulsifier
   3. Dr. McLaughlin - Flukes of Hazard
   2. Dr. Fletcher - R*A*S*H
   1. Dr. Heinstein - I Love Leucine

   TOP 10 THINGS PHARMACY STUDENTS DO WHEN STRESSED

   10. Teach rice crispies new sounds.
   9. Imitate jello.
   8. Write top 10 lists.
   7. St. Joseph's Childrens Valium.
   6. Romper Stomper races.
   5. Watch Pens Papermate.
   4. Increase home safety by fireproofing matches.
   3. Censor Alphabet Soup for dirty words.
   2. Record voice overs for next Milli Vanilli albums.
   1. Pray for a kinder gentler Therapeutics. (ooops… I mean State Board)

   TOP 10 KINDERGARTNER'S THOUGHTS/PROBLEMS

   10. IU students always asking for help with homework
   9. What does Physics has to do with my major?
   8. Always having to sit in corner when found reading a new Top 10 list
   7. After graduation everyone will be spread out all over the township
   6. Tired of having to remove childproof lid on teacher's Xanax bottle
   5. Teacher gets pissed when crayons are sharpened in the pencil sharpener
   4. Is there life after kindergarten?
   3. Should I go for my Doctor of Kindergarten?
   2. Can't wait to pay off all those kindergarten student loans
   1. Why isn't Kool Aid allowed in Professor Wilson's coloring class?

   Before I go there are a few silly things I'd like to thank some people for that I never got around to for some reason or another so…

   Thank You…

   • Janelle Receski for remembering my name even though I really like the name Eric better.
   • Tony Stuckwisch for knuckleball practice.
   • Becky Thayer for being my *1 Top 10 list fan.
   • Karen Robinson for giving me the idea for this book.
   • Kelly DeGraffenreid for letting me meet someone famous. (Famous = anyone who has hugged basketball star Charles Barkley)
   • Tim Palmer for letting me meet someone famous. (Famous = anyone who sent in a letter that got read on David Letterman's viewer mail)
   • Jeff Roberts & Mary Duvall for the birthday gift of used chewing gum.
   • Janet Bell & Leann Gayda for darn near doing my therapeutics case study for me.
   • Sue Delucca for making sure the spaghetti was safe to eat.
   • Lynn Perrone for not kicking out the "picture boys" the night before the therapeutics final.
   • Alan Farkas for having almost as goofy a sense of humor as I have.
   • Kim Swanson for being the cutest girl on campus.
   • Christine Psaros for making sure I knew when Magnum P.I. was on TV.